Brain Injury Independence

Last weekend Larry and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary, 19+ of which we have been living with my brain injury. Oops, I just sort of told my age.

Although we have become one in a lot of ways, we each claim a certain degree of independence. As many of us living with brain injury are aware, independence is vital to surviving in this world with a brain injury – but, we also know it can get you into trouble or cause unnecessary arguments.

Case in point – Our central air, though still working, is not cooling properly. Since we spent several hundred dollars on it last year for the same reason, we discussed taking our time in deciding whether to have the unit replaced. In the meantime, since Larry’s office is at home, he bought a portable air conditioner as a temporary solution. It was not cheap; but, the key phrase in that sentence is “he bought it” and I was none too happy about it at first.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him to make the decision – I just wanted to be included in the decision-making process. As it turns out, I was involved, and there was a misunderstanding. You see, one of the areas of my brain affected as a result of my anoxic brain injury, is no short-term memory. I remembered having the discussion about the air conditioner problem, but did not recall (at first), telling Larry to “do what he thought was best”, since he was the one at home all day in the heat.

Since I didn’t remember that part of our conversation, I was none too happy when I found out he had made a decision to order the temporary solution without my input (I thought). I have to trust him on this, since I “sort of” remember the conversation. He could use my lack of memory to save himself some grief, ya know. However, he has proven to be loyal and trustworthy over many years of our marriage. Brain injury survivors need at least one person they can trust to be honest and straight forward with them.

This story has a happy ending because my husband took the time and effort to learn all he could about brain injury years ago. He recognizes when the damaged areas of my brain are being tested, causing me to react inappropriately to situations. He’s extremely patient and understanding – and for that, I am so grateful.

Being able to exercise independence after a traumatic brain injury, anoxic brain injury, or any other type of acquired brain injury, is so important, especially since brain injury victims start out partially or totally dependent on others.

You can find numerous tips on brain injury independence in Brain Injury Survivor’s Guide, Welcome to Our World (hard copy or eBook) and Brain Injury Online.