I am literally terrified at the thought of being a patient in a hospital setting. The thought of losing my independence to people I don’t particularly trust with my life and wellbeing frightens me to an almost hysteric level. It’s not that I’m afraid of pain or even dying. It’s not that there are not some good doctors and nurses. It’s the lack of control of my own wishes and not being able to express them – losing control of my independence for even a short period. Some people will never understand that and they don’t realize how “routine” surgeries and procedures can go wrong in a heartbeat. Just one lazy or preoccupied surgeon or one negligent nurse and your life can change forever if you survive.
Even though it’s been over 19 years since my tragic episode after my surgery which resulted in ARDS and an anoxic brain injury, the idea of having to experience even a moment of an event that reminds me of that time is horrifying. I told myself I would never be put in the position of losing control of my independence again. As vain as I am, I would not even consider any elective surgery to make me look better or younger. I wasn’t even very tempted.
The neurologist I’ve been seeing for years for the migraines I have been fighting ever since my brain injury, recently received results from some medical tests that indicated I needed to see a cardiologist. She’s one of the few doctors I trust, and, out of respect for her, I will probably keep the appointment she made for me. I don’t even know, at this point, what will occur at this first visit, but already I am concerned about losing some of my independence.
Now that I’ve mentioned how I like my independence, I’m going to turn around and say how relieved I was to know Larry will be accompanying me to this visit. You have to understand how much I trust him and how he understands how important my independence is to me. He is also the only person in the world who really comes close to understanding how devastating this situation is to me. I wish everyone who has a brain injury of any kind had a Larry – someone they can trust to the extent that I trust him.
Although I’ve received a lot of paperwork from the cardiologist’s office – a good bit of which is making sure I am going to pay them; there were no details as to what to expect from the appointment or how much it is going to cost. So, believing that “knowledge is power to a brain injured person”, I decided I could take at least some of the fear away by calling his office to get some details about what to expect during the appointment and also to get an idea of how much it will cost. After reviewing all the information, I can make an informed independent decision which will allow me to feel more in control. I’m just going to take it one step at a time.
There – I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Even though it’s been over 19 years since my tragic episode after my surgery which resulted in ARDS and an anoxic brain injury, the idea of having to experience even a moment of an event that reminds me of that time is horrifying. I told myself I would never be put in the position of losing control of my independence again. As vain as I am, I would not even consider any elective surgery to make me look better or younger. I wasn’t even very tempted.
The neurologist I’ve been seeing for years for the migraines I have been fighting ever since my brain injury, recently received results from some medical tests that indicated I needed to see a cardiologist. She’s one of the few doctors I trust, and, out of respect for her, I will probably keep the appointment she made for me. I don’t even know, at this point, what will occur at this first visit, but already I am concerned about losing some of my independence.
Now that I’ve mentioned how I like my independence, I’m going to turn around and say how relieved I was to know Larry will be accompanying me to this visit. You have to understand how much I trust him and how he understands how important my independence is to me. He is also the only person in the world who really comes close to understanding how devastating this situation is to me. I wish everyone who has a brain injury of any kind had a Larry – someone they can trust to the extent that I trust him.
Although I’ve received a lot of paperwork from the cardiologist’s office – a good bit of which is making sure I am going to pay them; there were no details as to what to expect from the appointment or how much it is going to cost. So, believing that “knowledge is power to a brain injured person”, I decided I could take at least some of the fear away by calling his office to get some details about what to expect during the appointment and also to get an idea of how much it will cost. After reviewing all the information, I can make an informed independent decision which will allow me to feel more in control. I’m just going to take it one step at a time.
There – I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment