Larry and I just returned from the 2nd annual get-together of some of his close classmates that we both grew up with when we lived in a small Arkansas town many years ago. It’s a gathering of our childhood friends we hope to continue for years to come.
I will admit, last year I was a little skeptical of how I would fit in. I was a couple of grades behind them in school even though I was around them a lot since where Larry was -- I was (most of the time). At the end of the gathering last year, the gang officially claimed me as part of their class. One guy even made the statement that he thought I was in their class anyway. This year was no exception as all of the spouses have become “part of the group”.
Acceptance for who you are after a brain injury is so very important. The first thing I had to do was to recognize that I had an anoxic brain injury and then accept my limitations. Since I love my independence, Larry and I knew we would have to find a way for me to keep as much of it as I could. Someone living with brain injury needs to feel accepted and know they will not be judged for everything they do or say since some types of brain injury can also affect behavior.
For instance, the brain injured person who possess the symptom of memory problems (as a lot do), has the tendency to feel overwhelmed as they search their brain to find the correct word to finish the sentence. The harder we try and the more pressure to hurry to find that word, the more difficult it becomes to relax and either finally come up with the word or use compensatory strategies to overcome the situation gracefully.
I know, in my case, when I don’t feel pressured to remember, I have less difficulty. I’m not sure why unless it allows my brain time to pull information from my long-term memory which triggers the correct answer. That’s just my theory – nothing official.
To tell you the truth, I think time helps more than anything. The more times I’m faced with what I think at the time are unbearable and/or embarrassing situations, the more relaxed I am when it happens again. I’ve sort of taken the attitude that life is really, really short and there will be another day after I get through the current crisis.
All of that said I know that people who are in the early stages of their brain injury are going though some very stressful times. And – let’s not forget about the family or extremely close friends. My heart goes out to them because I know how painful that is for them. I have suffered through it and have watched Larry and others in my family as they endured their own stress and frustration.
Let me bounce back to the subject of this article – a supportive environment. A person’s environment will vary depending on where they are and what they are doing. I found when I moved from the brain injury rehabilitation facility, I was uncomfortable being outside the house. I had become “comfortable” in that safe environment. Everyone there either had a brain injury or was there with the purpose of helping someone who did. There was no need to explain every mistake or the loss of words while trying to carry on a conversation.
The environment changed with each new endeavor – going back to work – going grocery shopping – driving – going on a trip that involved flying. These are events that occur in everyone’s “normal” life, but when trying to learn to live with brain injury, it is necessary to find your own way of grabbing all of the independence you can. Take advantage of every compensatory strategy that fits your need and even develop some of your own. And, don’t forget the importance of a supportive environment.
I will admit, last year I was a little skeptical of how I would fit in. I was a couple of grades behind them in school even though I was around them a lot since where Larry was -- I was (most of the time). At the end of the gathering last year, the gang officially claimed me as part of their class. One guy even made the statement that he thought I was in their class anyway. This year was no exception as all of the spouses have become “part of the group”.
Acceptance for who you are after a brain injury is so very important. The first thing I had to do was to recognize that I had an anoxic brain injury and then accept my limitations. Since I love my independence, Larry and I knew we would have to find a way for me to keep as much of it as I could. Someone living with brain injury needs to feel accepted and know they will not be judged for everything they do or say since some types of brain injury can also affect behavior.
For instance, the brain injured person who possess the symptom of memory problems (as a lot do), has the tendency to feel overwhelmed as they search their brain to find the correct word to finish the sentence. The harder we try and the more pressure to hurry to find that word, the more difficult it becomes to relax and either finally come up with the word or use compensatory strategies to overcome the situation gracefully.
I know, in my case, when I don’t feel pressured to remember, I have less difficulty. I’m not sure why unless it allows my brain time to pull information from my long-term memory which triggers the correct answer. That’s just my theory – nothing official.
To tell you the truth, I think time helps more than anything. The more times I’m faced with what I think at the time are unbearable and/or embarrassing situations, the more relaxed I am when it happens again. I’ve sort of taken the attitude that life is really, really short and there will be another day after I get through the current crisis.
All of that said I know that people who are in the early stages of their brain injury are going though some very stressful times. And – let’s not forget about the family or extremely close friends. My heart goes out to them because I know how painful that is for them. I have suffered through it and have watched Larry and others in my family as they endured their own stress and frustration.
Let me bounce back to the subject of this article – a supportive environment. A person’s environment will vary depending on where they are and what they are doing. I found when I moved from the brain injury rehabilitation facility, I was uncomfortable being outside the house. I had become “comfortable” in that safe environment. Everyone there either had a brain injury or was there with the purpose of helping someone who did. There was no need to explain every mistake or the loss of words while trying to carry on a conversation.
The environment changed with each new endeavor – going back to work – going grocery shopping – driving – going on a trip that involved flying. These are events that occur in everyone’s “normal” life, but when trying to learn to live with brain injury, it is necessary to find your own way of grabbing all of the independence you can. Take advantage of every compensatory strategy that fits your need and even develop some of your own. And, don’t forget the importance of a supportive environment.
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