My anoxic brain injury happened while I was in the hospital for routine surgery where I required a second surgery to correct a mistake which caused me to bleed internally. For about 30 hours the hospital staff gave me blood transfusion after blood transfusion trying to elevate my count. But it was like pouring water into a hula hoop; it was just going right through. Little did I know at the time that portions of my brain were dying as the doctors tried to determine the cause. And so would begin the reason I would be missing myself after brain injury.
I developed ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome) commonly caused by massive blood transfusions. My lungs filled with fluid, leaving no room for air, and I stopped breathing. No one knows how long I lay in bed in that condition, but I was discovered by a nurse. A Code Blue was sounded and emergency procedures were initiated to save my life.
I was put into a medically-induced coma to allow my body to fight the ARDS. My kidneys quit working, so another specialist joined the team. Then my fingers and toes turned blue due to the lack of oxygen and a specialist was called in to discuss amputations. Larry was on alert and stopped that drastic measure.
I guess it's kind of silly to say I woke up. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this. But I woke up to a strange world. I didn't know who Larry was, even though we'd been married 20 years. I didn't even know I was married and had two children. Another reason I would be missing myself after brain injury.
I couldn't see very well, I couldn’t remember things, I couldn’t’ think, I was emotional – the symptoms of brain injury continued to grow. My personality was flat and I had no initiative, so I really didn't care about any of those chores I'd forgotten how to perform. Total confusion ruled my life and I began to miss myself even more.
Months later my ophthalmologist sent me for an MRI and, finally, it was discovered my brain had been injured. Yes, I'd had MRI's in the hospital but I think they were looking at my abdomen lungs and kidneys and not my brain.
Fifteen months after my injury I was finally admitted for brain injury rehabilitation but as good as some of the therapists were, the program was only about 4 months in duration and new problems still came at me every day.
Larry and I had already begun developing strategies that would help me perform without a short term memory and without some of the cognitive skills I'd had previously. Lists, lists and more lists became a way of life ... and still are.
Like most brain injury victims, I was told I would probably never work again. With the strategies Larry and I developed I was able to return to work and even was eventually promoted. I was even able to move into a position I probably would not have reached for prior to my brain injury.
Myself- that is - I never returned completely, but I learned how to live in my new world. Not just live, but to live successfully. If there is any one word of advice I would give, it would be this: Never Give Up! Learn as much as you can, and keep on trying!!! There just might be a better life out there than the one before.
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